My intention, if all else failed on this hike, was to find a good place to sit for awhile. I prepared for sitting. I had a camp chair and a light sleeping bag. The chair is supportive. It also creates a layer between my bottom and the ground. I brought a sleeping bag to wrap up in if I became cold. When moving lots of heat is generated though while stationary very little heat output occurs so extra insulation can come in handy. Each item is lightweight and fit easily inside my little pack. For added comfort I had an inflatable 3/4 length camping mattress which folds inside the chair for padding.
As you can probably figure out from the title of my post this hike turned out to be rather anticlimactic. Basically I walked on an old overgrown road for an hour and (at the time) discovered very little. Some of the road was clear but much of it was blocked with alders. Having to plow through these trees definitely reduced the speed at which I could cover ground. Most of the vegetation lining the road was not more than three meters high but it was still very much over my head and obscured visibility of my surroundings.
The notion of a dead end makes for an interesting metaphor. I kept running it around in my mind. I was unable to let go of the idea that I was wasting my time because I was afraid I wasn’t going to get anywhere. At no point during this hike was I happy with where I was – all I could think of was either finding a (surprise) feature that would make it all worthwhile or turning around. This preoccupation with a pay-off or result eventually struck me as odd too. Why couldn’t I simply relax and enjoy being outside, enjoy the present?
I think the basic answer is conditioning and I think it applies to most, if not all, of us. We all want the road of life to be meaningful and we all, basically, subscribe to the idea that life is meaningful. Yet, if my dead end hike is any indication, the meaning is ultimately determined by result not by the thing itself. So, a really great hike is one with a great result, we know the entire time we are walking we are going to end up somewhere better than where we are. It makes all the effort, toil and risk worthwhile or meaningful. The secluded beach is the pay off. In life prosperity is the carrot we chase. We want everything to add up. This is how we define success. We are seldom content with simply being where we are.
We are not comfortable when we don’t know where we’re going: we like certainty. I can only speak for myself but I think my experience is quite typical in this respect. I was agitated by not knowing where I was and by not finding anything of apparent interest. Essentially I was agitated because I considered what I was doing meaningless. Ironically, I couldn’t even relax enough to sit for awhile yet it wasn’t too cold, there weren’t any mosquitoes and it was very quiet.
I think that’s the oddest part of all and very backward. I didn’t sit anywhere. I wanted some scenic look off and was disappointed when all I found were rocks and scrubby trees. I considered a variety of spots which, in hindsight, I wish I had tried. Sitting in the midst of that ugly tangle of semi-barren might have helped me realize and accept the present moment as it existed. Perhaps the agitation I felt would have dissipated. My assumptions and projections and expectations and negative emotions might have given way to something a little more serene.
Maybe the month of January, or indeed, the entire winter, is a bit like this hike. We end up agitated and wishing it all away (especially if we have tickets to Mexico) because we want to be somewhere else, a place where we think the grass is greener. We do not like wandering along a path that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, doesn’t seem to offer us any pleasure, which seems meaningless.
What I thought of doing while on this hike, and should have done, was park myself in the middle of one of the small lakes I encountered. I should have sat out there, thin ice and all.
This is probably my favorite post. I often feel the same way about a lot of things. I always need a goal or a good end result in order to want to do something. Hopefully the next road you hike down has a better end result!!
Hi Hilary,
I’m pleased you liked the post. My plan is just to keep my ears, eyes and mind open. Whether I’m sitting somewhere or wandering around: hot, cold, tired, discouraged, my aim will be to keep reminding myself to make the most of it.
just where is mark lake and beaver lodge..tey are very pretty….
Hi Hazel,
As you go toward Larry’s River the road is on the right after Paradis du Lac road and before the ‘Look Off’ sign. There is a stop sign which is utterly pointless since no traffic aside from a four wheeler is ever likely to be here. There’s room for one vehicle to park without blocking access. The beaver lodge is at the edge of the Twin Lakes (lake to the left as you go in, not hard to see) while Mark Lake is another few hundred meters in, also on the left.
The road to nowhere,I wonder how many times in our lifetime we will say that Derek.On the other hand look at the nice pictures you have posted here for us to see,interesting storey and I hope all is well with you and your family,Ron
Hi Ron,
Great to hear from you again – all is well, thank you.
This is a fascinating post — as, for me, every single photo made me want to be there! A beaver lodge, boring???? Seriously? The ice-o-glyphs? (great name!) Those gorgeous red teaberries?
I grew up in Toronto and now live in suburban New York, which is boring but has a lot of natural beauty that I have grown to love. Canada’s outdoors, esp. in winter, can be harsh and barren so I admire anyone who even heads out into it, as you do.
I spent eight days this past summer at a silent Buddhist retreat and found it deeply restorative. One day I spent a full hour sitting on a garden bench watching a rabbit. It was wonderful to just sit still and be, in the most Buddhist way, in the moment. It is, always, all we have!
Hi Caitlin,
I’ve spent more than twenty years cherry picking ideas from Buddhist sources, many ideas from Stoicism and idiosyncratic stuff from other things I’ve read/heard/come across. I’m wary (weary too, I think) of bandwagons and hesitate to participate in anything that seems like a fad. Going slow, being quiet, really looking at things is not easy behavior to adopt when your conditioning (and society in general) are geared more for haste, consumption, status, narcissism and instant gratification.